What if I told you that you can design and live the life that you want on your own terms, would you do it?
Would you take the leap into the unknown or would you settle for the life of limits, a life of safety but lacking true meaning Zephan Moses Blaxberg here and I am on a journey to help you ignite your passions let go of your fears and get more out of life. Would you join me and make this your year of purpose, welcome to the year of purpose podcasts.
Every 12 minutes someone in the world takes your own life and when I was 13 years old I almost became one of those statistics. I the way to Thanksgiving to my grandparents’ house and came back on that Monday to school to find out that an acquaintance of mine from school took his own life on Thanksgiving morning and a lot of people wouldn’t have considered themselves friends with him and I didn’t necessarily consider myself a friend per se but I remember seeing him bullied and I remember him being bullied and I remember being they are not doing anything because I was afraid to stand up and I was afraid to stop it. And it was tough to think that I could’ve played a role in saving his life and being that friend that he needed, maybe he just needed one person to believe in him and that could’ve made all the difference and he could still be here today but unfortunately through that and some other occurrences and things that that happened at that time in my life I felt into a really deep depression, I was diagnosed with manic bipolar depression I started having panic attacks 20, 30, 40 times per day and I became highly medicated for it. It’s hard thinking that your parents have given up on you and don’t know what to do and so they have just settle for medication that knocks you out like a zombie, I was good for only a couple of things basic functions, walk into the kitchen, going to the bathroom and sleeping and that was pretty much it. I was essentially bedridden and never technically graduated my eight grade year of middle school and I just remembered being a walking zombie not able to doing anything. I was on this medicine for easily one year and a half and I wanted to be off of it, I knew it was doing something to me I couldn’t understand what was happening at that time because I was so out of it but again I had to be off of it and one day I woke up and I looked in the mirror and I said I can’t do this, I said I can’t do this anymore and I was prepared to die, I was ready to be gone from this earth and from people’s life and I have this moment of clarity because a part of me had died the part of me that was is am be that was medicated, that was depress, I was dead inside and that part died in that moment and just like a phoenix rising from the ashes the part of me that was still there from so long ago started to come back and I decided to cut my medicine and cold turkey didn’t tell anyone and I don’t recommend this to anyone but there is a part of me that died and a part of me that wanted to live still and these two fought what I have been most of easily two weeks’ time. I mean I remember my parents getting up and leaving my brothers and sisters going to school and I was sitting in the kitchen with a knife or with a bottle of pills and think I could do this right here right now and I would sit there for hours on end, the entire day would go by but every day at the end of the day I would get up, I would go back to my room and I would go to bed and I had just enough strength because that part of me that lived was telling me you just have to push through this and I did. After about two weeks I started to feel happier I started to talk more, I want to socialize with people, I miss my friends, I miss hanging out with people and doing things in the world, it was kind of like you were being reborn and being introduced into the world and I started to live life and enjoy things and to make more friends and what I want people to understand is to generate that moment of clarity of 30 seconds that says I can’t do this anymore and I killed off that part inside of me that was holding me back for so long to get to that moment you have to become vulnerable, you have to be okay with sharing your message and sharing your stories with others. The only way you’re going to get the help and get the support that you need is by sharing your stories and we have to become okay with depression and we have to become okay with suicide, not that we accept that it is happening but we have to be okay with people feeling these emotions and we have to be able to listen to them and understand what they are going through. And so I think that it was a really important transformation point in my life to create this 30 seconds of clarity, this moment where I could kind of kill off whatever the bad was and let the good start to come back in and it has been a soul process, he comes back short when I have time in the winter and I haven’t been outside for days and I feel the winter blues of course, absolutely it is never going to go away 100% but transform your life you have to start being a little more vulnerable and you have to start telling your story.
You probably heard me talking about designing a life that you actually want to live, you probably might have heard about my travel experiences and thought to yourself yes I want to do that eventually someday I probably do it and my guess is you have been thinking about it for a long time, so I want to tell you this stop thinking your time is right now, you don’t need any more time, you don’t need any more info, you don’t need to keep putting it off and planning for the perfect time because the truth of the matter is this you can be the person who sits around and think about living a better life or you can be the person would decides that today is the day that you are going to actually do it and I want that for you because you already have what it takes, you got a fire inside of you even if you can see right now it is late but you need to open yourself up to the possibilities and through a couple of logs into the flames. So join me and the your purpose tribe by subscribing to our YouTube channel and on iTunes podcast and if you really like us please leave a review this is Zephan Moses Blaxberg and I can’t wait to see you again and the your purpose podcasts.